Spirals

I did go see this movie”Disturbia” in the theatre. Sometimes a mindless teen flick is just what you need to escape your own life. No thinking involved.

Another month has gone by without a posting from me. There are times when I really just want to let this blog go, when the maintenance part of it bores me and makes my head hurt. And other times I have these wonderful ideas for something I want to write, only to never find the time to actually put those ideas into this computer.

I have given up freelance writing for the particular individual for which I have been working with for the last few years. Too many missed payments, too much time lost and no pay to show for it. Anyone else with half a brain would have quit a long time ago. But the lure of easy money doing something that I can do in my sleep, writing…well, you know. Anyway, that is over and I’m finding that my weekends are my own once again. No more dealing with the guilt of going to a movie when I can’t stop thinking that I really should be home writing.

The one thing about a “public” blog, as I’ve mentioned before, is that your nearest and dearest read it, even if they only just glance at it now and then. So you can’t really post that you’re having a miserable day, or that your job is driving you insane (well you can say that but you can’t really vent about the particular people who are driving you to that insanity). You can’t write about a dream you have about something you want, unless you want everyone to know and then start asking you about that desire. There are many things that you can’t write about.

I’ve considered starting an anonymous blog elsewhere. But can you imagine the time it will take to maintain that one and this? I spend enough time in front of a computer at work, that last thing I need is to spend many more minutes type type typing away.

And speaking of my job, it’s totally frustrating these last couple of weeks. I work in a male oriented field with men who think I don’t have the ability to understand “techie” things. They seem to leave out bits of information here and there as though to test me. But I figure it out eventually…I’m not that stupid. Thank goodness my one male co-worker allows me to be responsible and knowledgeable, coming to me instead of certain others when he wants things done. Good for me in one way, in another not so good as those others can be quite resentful.

I have to be careful what I say here about my job. People lose their jobs often when they cross the line between personal information and public employee information.

If I could think of a way to financially and emotionally move to Europe, I would. I think most people who know me, know that. But I can’t justify a move like that when everyone I love is here on this side of the Atlantic. Even though when I wake on a rainy day I’m instantly somewhere else, in another country. And we get a lot of rain here. Just thought I would throw that in there.

Anyway, I’m just rambling here, venting a few things. I’m not sure, once again, what direction I want to take this blog in. I have this space here, on a server that allows me to do really anything I want. How much of myself do I let loose? Where’s the line? What are the cosmic rules that must exist that dictate how much of yourself you want to put up on public display? And why do you want to, anyway?

Anyway….anyway…that one word always puts me right into the middle of a “Dynamic Hack” song…a place I once was, a place that was good for me at the time, a place that tested me, a place I had to leave…only one person knows I was in that place…forgive me for having these words in my head today…I’ll just post the lyrics to the song here…so I can see them in print in my personal space just this one time….and never again. And for anyone who thinks that they might know what this song is all about…don’t. You wouldn’t be right and would be guessing in the wrong direction. I get to keep some things a secret, you know.

you gotta be kidding me
i’m through with you boy anyway
i’ll wait for you i always do
it’s dumb but i want to anyway
so here we are stuck in hell
same old game we know at well
i don’t mind…anyway
spark it up and numb me on and off again
oh what the hell
i don’t mind…anyway
been sittin’ here have another beer
i’m drunk but i want some anyway
to numb to know, that im happy
without you, im better off anyway
so here we are stuck in hell
same old game we know at well
i don’t mind…anyway
spark it up and numb me on and off again
oh what the hell
i don’t mind…anyway
you gotta be kidding me
i’m through with you boy anyway
too numb to know that i’m happy
without you i’m better off anyway
i just don’t care enough about this to make the effort to show you
that i care enough to try to get you back in bed with me
so here we are stuck in hell
same old game we know it well
i don’t mind…anyway
spark it up and numb me on and off again
oh what the hell
i don’t mind…anyway

So much for not letting emotions out here. Who knows.

Who knows what the next postings bring. I might not be so cautious anymore…anyway.

Although not reflected in my sidebar, I did watch the movie “Sylvia” last night. Sylvia Plath always holds a certain fascination for me, as she does for so many others. Plath’s poetry is very haunting and real, words that I can relate to…poetry that flows from pain…sentences that leave me feeling her sadness. I don’t think the film “Sylvia” adequately highlighted much of Plath’s poetry. Plath was a much more articulate woman than Gwyneth Paltrow portrayed. Plath was very vocal in how she felt about many things, marriage included. And from what I know of Ted Hughes, he was much more of a tyrant than the man he was in the movie. I enjoyed watching this film…and it brought back thoughts of several Plath poems.

I Am Vertical

But I would rather be horizontal.
I am not a tree with my root in the soil
Sucking up minerals and motherly love
So that each March I may gleam into leaf,
Nor am I the beauty of a garden bed
Attracting my share of Ahs and spectacularly painted,
Unknowing I must soon unpetal.
Compared with me, a tree is immortal
And a flower-head not tall, but more startling,
And I want the one’s longevity and the other’s daring.

Tonight, in the infinitesimallight of the stars,
The trees and the flowers have been strewing their cool odors.
I walk among them, but none of them are noticing.
Sometimes I think that when I am sleeping
I must most perfectly resemble them–
Thoughts gone dim.
It is more natural to me, lying down.
Then the sky and I are in open conversation,
And I shall be useful when I lie down finally:
Then the trees may touch me for once, and the flowers have time for me.

Another “movie in the theatre” night…this time “Reign Over Me” with Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle. I don’t think I’ve cried so much in the theatre in a long time. It was a combination of the subject of the film and my own emotions, which were a bit on the low side going in. I’m not a big Sandler fan, but I have to say that he did a fine job as a grieving husband and father in this film. If you didn’t catch it in the theatre be sure to put it on your rental list.

On the book front, I’ve finished “Lying with Strangers”, the book I was reviewing for Harper Collins. Except now I can’t review it since, somehow, my first login at Harpers wasn’t working and so I had to create a new login and now this login, of course, doesn’t acknowledge that I’m reviewing the book, since that information is with the old login which I can’t access. Did you get all that? Good. So…I’ll review the book here…with a spoiler, so if you ever intend on reading this book, read no further.

Okay…I did like this book on some levels, I think… though it’s probably not something I would pick up just because I find that a lot of thriller type books have been done to death. The writing is mediocre, and not very descriptive. Although I do like to form my own inner visual of what the characters look like, I do need a bit of guidance. A bit more than “she’s pretty” is needed…so I still have no idea what colour hair the main character, Paige, has. The lack of description continued throughout the book and became a real sore spot for me. On page 90 I correctly guessed that Paige’s stillborn sister was indeed alive, and given up for adoption because her mother had an affair and got pregnant. I was wrong in thinking that this long lost sister was Paige’s stalker. I did, a time or two after page 90, think that Paige’s mother was a bit rigid and tight assed. And once into the last ten pages it became apparent that the mother was the online “Ladydoc”. Long story short…Paige is stalked by Rudy, this psycho who thinks he’s talking to and following Paige, when it’s in fact the mother that is going online, living vicariously and cybering in a very sexual way with the psycho. Rudy thinks that Paige belongs to him, since online she promises him many things. Not the real Paige of course. It was a long road from page 1 to page 389. A lot of legal details in between with very little stalking action going on. And I’m not too sure about some of the accuracy of that legal stuff…it seemed a bit forced to me and made to fit the plot. But what do I know. All in all the integral plot of the book was okay, but getting through it was difficult. I don’t think I would recommend it for everyone…but, I did enjoy reading something different with the intent to review for a publisher…if only, if only…I had the original login.

I watched “Free Zone” this evening… a film that left me melancholy and thinking, especially because the ending was so unexpected. Two women, Rebecca and Hanna, travel to the Free Zone to retrieve the money that is owed to Hanna and her husband for the sale of armored cars. There they meet Leila, a Palestinian woman…and emotions, influenced by politics and religion, clash between all three women. I think the opening scene and song led to my feelings of sadness and amazement that people can live in such political and religious tension. The circle of history goes round and round and I think that somehow the true meaning of why all the fighting began in the first place is lost…somewhere along the way…and people continue the cycle because it’s all they know. The opening song is Chad Gadya, an Aramaic song that translates to mean “One Little Goat”. It’s thought that this song has its roots in Medieval German folk music. The words were haunting and mesmerizing.

One little goat, one little goat,
that Father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat.

Then came a cat and ate the goat,
that Father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat.

Then came a dog and bit the cat that ate the goat,
that Father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat.

Then came a stick and beat the dog that bit the cat that ate the goat,
that Father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat.

Then came fire and burned the stick that beat the dog that bit the cat that ate the goat,
that Father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat.

Then came water and quenched the fire that burned the stick that beat the dog that bit the cat that ate the goat,
that Father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat.

Then came an ox and drank the water that quenched the fire that burned the stick that beat the dog that bit the cat that ate the goat,
that Father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat.

Then came the Shochet and slaughtered the ox that drank the water that quenched the fire that burned the stick that beat the dog that bit the cat that ate the goat,
that Father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat.

Then came the angel of death and killed the Shochet who slaughtered the ox that drank the water that quenched the fire that burned the stick that beat the dog that bit the cat that ate the goat,
that Father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat.

Then came the Holy One, blessed be He, and slew the angel of death that killed the Shochet who slaughtered the ox that drank the water that quenched the fire that burned the stick that beat the dog that bit the cat that ate the goat,
that Father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat.

I had never heard of the Free Zone before so needed to do a bit of research to understand the film even more. The Free Zone is an area east of Jordan, where tax regulations and customs are waived, best described by the following:

Jordan’s free zone areas were established to promote export-oriented industries and transit trade. Commodities and goods of various origins are deposited in the free zone areas for the purpose of storage and manufacturing, without having to pay the usual excise fees and other taxes, as they are treated like goods outside Jordan. There are currently two operating free zones in Jordan, at Aqaba and Zarqa, and they are operated by the Jordanian Free Zones Corporation, an autonomous government agency.

The Aqaba Free Zone covers one million square meters, although an additional 2.5 million square meters has been allocated for the purpose of establishing industrial projects, similar to the Jabal Ali Free Zone in Dubai. The Zarqa Free Zone lies 35 kilometers northeast of Amman, along a route which connects Jordan with neighboring countries. It covers 5.5 million square meters and houses about 65 licensed industrial companies and more than 175 warehouses. There are currently about 700 commercial trading and industrial projects based in Jordan’s two free zone areas. They include storage, repackaging, mixing and manufacturing operations. Land and buildings in the free zone areas are available for rent at concessionary prices.

As you can see, this film left an impression with me that I won’t soon forget.

Now that spring is officially here…I wish I had a backyard. I once complained about having to cut grass, plant flowers, and pull weeds. But how I miss being able to sit outside in the spring sun, a light breeze blowing over me…in my own yard, no strangers nearby, so I can close my eyes and dream. I can still do that, of course, but I have to go to a park to do so. Even an apartment with a balcony would do. I’ve bought some pansies and put them in pots on the floor of my dining area. Just to bring a bit of the outdoors…in. I like this photo of an early summer evening view into a garden. And am feeling great envy for whoever owns this bit of paradise.
 

I finally got to see “The Lives of Others”, or “Das Leben der Anderen”. This was such a great film…I sat mesmerized from beginning to end. It’s so nice to watch a foreign film without having to read all of the subtitles…just glancing down when some harder German words give me some difficulty. I don’t think that any film or documentary can fully portray what life in East Germany was like before the fall of the Berlin Wall. But this film, for me, came close. The gray and white of the country, the inability to enjoy the simple things that West Germany and the rest of the world took for granted. The stories I’ve heard from my family always felt the way “Das Leben der Anderen” was visualized. I wonder…do you ever get over being controlled by a socialist state or does the feeling of suppression stay with you over several generations? I suppose I’m very fortunate that at the end of the war, my family was on the “safe” side of the wall.

I signed up for the “First Look” program at Harper Collins a few weeks ago. This program lets you sign up to read and review books that are not yet published. To my surprise, since I had forgotten that I had signed up and chosen a few books that I’d like to read…I received a book in the mail today. “Lying with Strangers”, by James Grippando, is a mystery/thriller. I won’t say too much about it now…but point you to the short review at Harper’s website at the end of the month, which is the deadline for submitting the review. Some of the other blogs I read are often mentioning programs with other publishers that they belong to…talking about the latest book they received and are reviewing. I think this is a great way to (a) be part of the literary community and encourage honest book reviews from everyday-readers like myself, and (b) a nice way to get a book that is yet to be published to sit on my shelves.

I’m about half way though “Lying with Strangers” and liking it a great deal. James Grippando is the author of eleven other books…none of which I have heard of or read. If the ending of this book does what I hope it does, I might go back to read more of his work.

I have so totally given up reading “The Hungry Tide”…at least for now. The plot of this book just isn’t catching my interest right now. So I’ll let it go for now. And move on to “Maisie Dobbs”…the first novel in a series by Jacqueline Winspear. This blurb, from the back of the book, should give you a good idea of what the book is about and why I’m reading it:

The daughter of a struggling greengrocer, Maisie Dobbs was only thirteen when she was sent to work as a maid for wealthy London aristocrats. Being bright and thoughtful beyond her years, Maisie studies her way to Cambridge, then serves as a nurse on the Front during the Great War. Now, it’s spring of 1929, nearly ten years after the Armistice and Maisie has just opened up her own detective agency. Her first assignment, a seemingly open-and-shut infidelity case, will reveal a much deeper, darker mystery, forcing Maisie to revisit the horrors of the war and the ghost she left behind. Refreshing, absorbing, and beautifully rendered, Maisie Dobbs marks the beginning of a incredible new series.

We had a quiet Easter dinner. Whoa, I’m not used to cooking a complete meal like that: roast, new garlic potatoes, broccoli and cauliflower in a cheese sauce, and home made cupcakes with strawberries and whipped cream. It’s when I cook like I did today that I curse my small apartment kitchen. The lack of space makes me feel cramped and confused. The kid left in the evening to spend time with the bf’s family. She brought everyone over there a few special chocolates…and of course her charm. So I was left to watch the Amazing Race by my lonesome and then to write articles. My favorites, Joyce and Uchenna, were eliminated from the race, while the midget team of Charla and Mirna scored second place. Really, if every midget is as nasty and socially dimwitted as this one…there is no hope for any of us. She seems to compensate for her size by being particularly nasty to anyone she comes near. And her partner in the race is just as vile. I find myself shuddering as I watch the midget run…and actually hoping that she’ll take another nose dive, like she did when she was wearing the suit of armor.

On the theatre front I went to see “Young Triffie’s Been Made Away With”, a Canadian film by Mary Walsh that takes place in Swyer’s Harbour, Newfoundland. It was a hoot. The year is 1948 and young Triffie is found washed up on the shore line. Murdered…stab wounds to her back. Ranger Hepditch, who specializes in fingerprints, is sent to the small town of Swyer’s Harbour to the take hoof prints of a sheep that has been shagged and mutilated, along with several other creatures before said sheep. Unbeknownst to the ranger he is now there to help solve the murder of Triffie. There’s a lot of comedy in this one. And Mary Walsh deserves an Academy Award for her ranting commentary with the reverend which spans almost ten minutes…her facial expressions and words left me in stitches, as they say. I’ll have to rent this one when it’s out on DVD so I can be humored again.

I watched “American Dreamz” tonight. Oh my word…this one was a bomb from beginning until end. Although I think Hugh Grant is quite sexy in a puppy dog kind of way…he didn’t do it for me in this film. I started to fall asleep about three quarters of the way in…so I missed a bit of the plot line there for about 15 minutes…but I pulled myself together for the finale. And didn’t really have to bother since it was predicable, boring, sad, and miserable. I’ve never been so glad for a movie to end.

The book I’m currently reading, “The Hungry Tide”, isn’t catching my brain or heart just yet. I’m not sure why I chose this book as it’s not one that I would normally glance twice at. But I did…and I bought it…and now I’m trying to read it. I admit that I’m not that far into it but the few pages that I have turned are fading from my mind almost the moment that I put the book down. So now the question is whether or not I persevere and just read it, hoping that it will get better, much the way “Empire Falls” did, which ended up being a great book. Or do I shelve it and try again at a later date…and move on to the next book on my list, a mystery. I do much better with the harder decisions in life, like whether to buy a new car (I decide “no” about that quite quickly). Decisions about book-reading are much more difficult for me to make.

The kid and I, and her BF, went to see “Blades of Glory” this afternoon…free tickets due to the affiliation of the company that I work for with the one that did some of the special effects. We had the same perk for “A Night at the Museum”. Well, “Blades of Glory” is a hoot. A laughing hoot from beginning to end. Will Ferrell and Jon Heder could not have been any more funny…from their facial expressions to their athletic moves. One of those films that will never win an Academy Award…but should…just for making you laugh.

On the book front, I’ve moved on “The Hungry Tide” by Amitav Ghosh. This isn’t a book that I normally pick out, but I’m going to give it a shot. From the back of the book… “a novel of adventure and romance set in the exotic Sundarbans – treacherous islands in the Bay of Bengal where isolated inhabitants live in fear of drowning tides and man-eating tigers. A headstrong young American arrives in this lush landscape to study a rare species of river dolphin.” I’m only a few pages into the book, so we’ll see.

I have finished reading “I Have a Bed Made of Buttermilk Pancakes”. And despite the odd title, I absolutely adored this book. Jaclyn Moriarity has created a modern fairy tale that has a hint of mystery to it. Each of the five main female characters has their own charm combined with strength. And it’s this strength they need as they make decisions that, although they seem independent of one another, are all tied up at the end. Moriarity took a modern story and turned it into one of whimsy and fancy. And Fancy happens to be one of the main characters along with Marbie, Cath, Listen, and Cassie. I love how this book wrapped up, all the way to the final page. Here’s a tiny excerpt that will give you an indication of the author’s style:

The Hot-Air Balloon

Once upon a time there was a confectioner who flew in a hydrogen balloon.
This was in 1810. He invited a friend from Bristol and the flight began well enough; they drifted over the Bristol Channel toward Cardiff.
Four miles off Combe Martin, however, they crashed into the sea.
But they did not break their legs or drown; they did not catch alight and burn.
Instead, something extraordinary happened: the basket bobbed on top of the waves, the balloon billowed out behind them, and presto! they were saved. They spent an hour wafting along in this manner, and were rescued by a boat from Lynmouth.

Maude Zing has always preferred the confectioner’s story to the tale of the watercolour painter whose parachute was upside down.
She likes to imagine how the balloon must have looked, floating on top of the sea. The tiny basket, the immense sphere of cloth, the hopeful little men, the great expanse of water and sky. So strange, so lovely, so mystical, as with all unlikely, dreamy things such as whales, flying fish, pavlovas, and unexpected snowfalls.
But the confectioner’s story was more. It was disaster transformed. A sailing ship conjured from a capsized balloon.